umm JJ?
by sparklyblues
Summary: JJ knew everyone on the teams monsters and they thought they knew hers.. please reada and review, its much better than the summary rated t because im paranoid and mentions of rape and drugs in later chapters, also a crossover with higher ground but i didnt want to put it as a crossover, had a feeling not many people would read it... read and review please! they help so much!
1. Chapter 1

This is a higher ground / criminal minds fic… I watched higher ground on you tube because I think AJ is an amazing actress and then I thought hmmm what if Shelby was jj and nobody knew, she went back because something happened in her life and the team find her there when a case comes into contact with her life sooooooo here goes…

(btw its set in season six because that's when she went away)

I had asked Strauss to do this for me. I had to. They couldn't find out. I knew who all their monsters were but they couldn't find out what mine was. They wouldn't trust me again. I asked strauss to make it look like I was getting a promotion and would be working out of state. The day I had went and ask her to make me a cover story was definitely a day where the ice queen melted…

"ma'am, could I have a word please?" I asked as I knocked on her office door.

"yes, come in Agent Jareau." god this was going to be hard.

"ma'am, this is a huge favour to ask annd I love my job here but this goes beyond my life and I need your help." I said all in a rush. It kind of sounded out all as one but im guessing she got what I was saying.

"jennifer, what do you need. I may be the 'ice queen but when it concerns my best agent I'd do anything. Name it." wow. That was sso not expected

"I need to take my holidays I have saved and longer. The only thing is, I can't have the team seeing me so could you make it look like I have had a transfer out of state?" I asked tentatively.

" Jennifer, before I agree to anything can you tell me what is going on?please?" she actually sounded like she had genuine concern.

" bad things happened to me as a child and I got away from them. They have come back but it got me pregnant. I can't have the team knowing because it is about saving my unborn childs life. I will be going away and I can promise that I will have support and I will be back." I said. God it felt weird talking about my old life.

" promise me one thing, Jennifer." she said.

This was going way better than I thought it would.

"anything" I was going to protect my child and she was helping me.

"keep in touch with me. I want to know how you ae doing and I want to be able to visit you to make sure you are alright."

Oh my god. This was great. I was going to be free.

"I promise." I said with a smile. I put my hand to my stomach, sending a mental message to bump that everything would be alright.

"I can say you have been requested at the pentagon to work out of state and you will be back in two years. Is that alright?" she said. I didn't realise I had that many holidays saved up.

"that is fantastic ma'am. I appreciate it." I said a little exasperated.

"I'm not done" I stared at her a little gob smacked.

"what?"

"you will be getting a raise also, we were going to be giving you one anyway and I can just say to the director that it is more of a personal favour for me. That you are away."

"thank you, I don't know what to say." I had tears in my eyes, she was definitely not the ice queen in my books anymore.

"I will take you through to agent Hotchner and arrange this and you can leave this afternoon."

"thank you." I was crying now.

"it's my pleasure Jennifer, just prootect yourself and that child as much s you can."

"I will"

It took lots of convincing but they believed it. I was now back at my apartment. I had told them all I was leaving tonight and I wouldn't be back for two years, they could still call on my cell. I would be staying at my apartment for a few more days but then I was going to Agnes. Home sweet home. I needed some help. I wasn't set to go and see anyone until after the baby was born but just being there was going to keep me strong until then….


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, the reason I put this up was because im being told to go to bed so ill finish it on my kindle, not that anyone cares, just incase its been read already, give me a few hours and ill do the same with m other fics ill put a load of rubbish so I can upload it..

A year later

]it was getting too much. I'd had Sophie four months ago. Thankfully she didn't look like hime but the fact that she was his got me worried. I tried forgetting about it all. Writing it down and burning it, just like peter had taught me all those years ago. It didn't work. I still remembered that night like it were yesterday. The night Sophie was conceived...

I walked out the office building and headed to my car, away to spend another lonely night at my apartment. Something didn't feel right, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stick up. Definitely something wrong. I walked that little bit faster to my car and locked the door once I was inside.I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. I just put it down to being to read and having so many revolting cases lately. It took me fifteen minutes if that to get home, I still felt like I was being followed. I made it to my apartment it record time, bolting the door shut. I needed a nice long hot bath. That's all. I'm fine, everything fine. I said to myself, taking some deep breaths.

"Hello kitten" a voice from the shadows called. I knew exactly who that was. His voice made my blood run cold at the thought of hat he could do.

"What are you doing here? You should cakes up like you deserve you b******" I spat with more courage and venom in my voice than I felt.

"That's not how my daughter should be speaking to me now is it kitten?" He asked.

This can not be happening. Not after all these years and just managing to lock those memories away forever.

"You are anything but a father to me. Get out of here NOW" I said to him, drawing my gun.

"Whoa, don't go crazy on me. Just thought you would be glad to see me but if not, I'm sure Jess-"

"Don't you dare touch her. You ruined her life enough"

"Looks like it's just me and you then kitten" he said, dragging my body to my bedroom.

I blocked out the rest of the night after that, made myself think of the team, Jack. Anything but what was happening. After he left I stayed in the shower for hours, trying to get clean. I called in sick to work the next day to compartmentalize.

Even though Sophie is his, I love her that much more. I just needed some help with my feelings and emotions right now so a visit to Peter and Sophie might help I figured.

I packed a few suitcases just in case, baby things and my phone an made it out the house in half an hour, on my way to Horizon, where I would be arriving at any minute.

I pulled up to the main entrance. Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. This is it. You can do it. I got out the car and lifted Sophie out her seat,locked the car doors and wAlked up and pushed through the doors.

"Oh my God" was all I heard.

I looked up to see Kat standing behind the desk looking at me.

"Hi" I blushed.

"Shelby. Is that really you?" She asked, had been over ten years.

"Yeah, is Peter or Sophie here, I really need to talk." I said

"Shelby, is she yours?" I don't think she even heard me.

"Yeah, that's one reason I need to see Peter or Sophie." I said.

"Oh yeah, they are in Peters know where it is" she said.

"Thank you" I replied, shifting Sophie in my arms.

I walked down the hallway, preparing myself. I knocked and wAlked in.

"Oh captain my captain"

"Shelby"

They said it in unison. It was kinda creepy but cute at the same time, they really were meNt for each other.

"Hi"

"What happened to you? Where have you been? Why do you have a baby with you? Have you seen anyone else yet?" Sophie gushed, wrapping me up in a hug.

I couldn't help but break out in tears at the embrace. I was in my safe haven again.

" Shelby, come on talk to us, you km ow it doesn't help keeping it locked away" Peter said, speaking for the first time.

I took a deep breath and answered Sophie questions.

"I ran after I graduated college and moved to Virginia, DC. I changed my name so that I could start fresh, applied for the FBI, became a part of the BAU up until a year ago. I still work for them but I took time off after..." I trailed off, crying again.

"Shelby, did he come and see you?l Sophie asked.

I nodded my head."he threatened Jess again. He ruined her life enough. He done it just over a hear ago which explains the next question."

"She is your baby shel, don't forget that. He may be the father but she doesn't have to know. Can I hold her" Sophie asked me.

"Thank you." I handed her to Sophie.

"Shelby what's her name?" She asked me.

I think I blushed a little because I got asked by Peter if it was really that bad which a gave a slight laugh to.

"No it's not bad... her .e is Sophie."

"Really?" Sophie asked me.

"Yeah, I was going to name her Peter if she was a boy. You guys helped me out so much and I wanted to tell myself I was repaying you guys by naming her after you"

"Shelby, that's so sweet of you but you don't have to feel like you need to repay us for anything." Peter said to me.

"I know" mumbled al little, casting my eyes down to the floor. Peter sat next to me on the sofa and pulled me into his embrace. I instantly melted into his warmth.

" do your friends back home know Shelby?"

"No, they didn't have to know. They know me as Jennifer Jareau, confident, kind, fun. They don't have to know what happened."

"You know you will need to tell them soon"

"My boss knows. She made me get a 'promotion' for two years until I sorted it all out. My team didn't even know I've had Sophie, they didn't know I was pregnant. I need to protect Sophie and if that means keeping her from them then I will." I said quickly.

I heard a knock on the door and Kat walked in."Peter the FBI are here to ask some questions on latest case."

"I'll be right out. Give me a second"

"He is here with me Peter"

I shook my head at Peter. They couldn't t. I knew it was them.

"Tell them I need to finish up so take them a look around to see if that helps them."

" , I really don't time for this right now-JJ?"

Sophie handed me back my they both excuses themselves. I had a feeling Peter knew this was going to happen.

"JJ I thought you were on an assignment for Strauss?"

I shook my head.

"Hotch, I had to take time away to deal with my monsters, just like everyone else has had to. I needed Peter and Sophie help"

" how do you know Peter and Sophie?"

"I went to school here" I said simply, trying mot to make all the old memories resurface.

"But JJ that is not in you file. That's because my name was Shelby. I got it legally changed when I moved to DC to get a fresh start, but look where that got me. A single mother, who has to hide her child,trying to escape her demons while working for the FBI."

"Daughter?"

I sighed. " this is going to take a ."

He sat with out complaint.

"When I was younger, my mom and dad separated and my mom remarried. It just happened to at he liked to 'love' me a little more than what he should have. I ran away from home after a few years and I was on the streets. I was a who're and I was on everything. My biological father racked me down and brought me here. I got clean earned a scholarship e and got into the FBI. He got jailed after I phoned the police. He got out on good behaviour two years ago. He came after me and threatened to do it to my little sister.I couldn't let that happen. He done it again and I was pregnant a few weeks later. I went to Strauss, asked her some favours and here I am"

"JJ I am so sorry, I never knew. I know why you can sympathise with the victims now. I think the murderer is the man that done this to you. I was up to ask some questions about Shelby and Jess, which you have answered for me. Do you think you could come to the police station and tell me exactly what happened? The team will be there and you can come back up here if you want after it."

" Okay. Promise you won't look at me like a victim"

"I promise"

I let out a sigh of relief."let's go then"


	3. Chapter 3

The tension in the air on the way to the police station was tense to say the least. You could cut a knife through it. I was sitting in the back seat of the SUV with sopie, keeping her company. I was so nervous to be going to see the team when they thought I was out of state. They were going to hate me. I sighed, that's all that ever happened in my life. Something good happens and bang, it all goes wrong. Why me? I never done anything to deserve this.

"are they going to hate me, Hotch?"I asked, looking at him through the mirror.

"no. I think they might be a little angry that you didn't tell us you were pregnant but once they hear what happened I think they will be okay." he smiled at me. He had that sympathetic smile.

"don't do that"

"what?"

"look at me like it will al be okay."I said, scoffing slightly.

"sorry." he said.

I felt like I owed him and explaination for something, I had a feeling what it was though.

"you want to know why I changed my name don't you?" I asked him softly.

"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to J-Shelby"

"don't call me that"

"sorry."

There was so much appoligising on the one day! When would it end?

"I changed my name because Shelby was a whore, a bitch and she was dirty. JJ on the other hand was sweet, kind and clean."

"JJ, you described yourself in the past tense. Why?" he said. Oops, shouldn't have said that.

"well, clearly I'm not clean anymore am I? I went back to my old ways, Hotch. Scrubbing myself in the shower until I bled, trying to get them-him off me. Changing to barely a five minute shower so I didn't waste water cleaning something that was always going to be dirty. What's the point anymore ,Hotch? The only reason I'm still here is because of sophie and the thought of you guys. If I din't have you all, Hotch, I don't think I would have been able to move past it again." I felt a tear going down my cheek as I said all this to him.

"JJ, we will always be here for you. You are or family and we love and protect family no matter what happens to them." he said smiling.

I gave him a watery smile back.

"thank you."

"for what?"

"everything" he chuckled when I said that.

"we're here, JJ"

I took a deep breath and started to unbuckle sophie from her seat.

"lets go"

Hotch walked in in front of me, holding the door open before he walked over to the confrence room. I stayed behind a little bit, y stomch churning at what I was about to reveall to my family.

"guys, have Shelby Merrick here to give a statement against the unsub." I heard Hotch say.

"where is she?" Emily asked.

I walked into the room."here" I said.

"JJ! What are you doing here? I thought you were out of state?" she rushed over, pulling me into a hug.

"whoa, Emily, watch the baby! I promise I'll answer all your questions after you brief me"

"wait, back up a minute guys. JJ why do you have a baby?" morgan asked.

"him. She is mine and that's all that matters" I replied vaguely.

"him? JJ, did the unsub rape you." he said.

I cast my eyes down to my feet and felt the tears rise to my eyes.

"JJ, is this true?" Emily queried.

I nodded my head slightly before looking up into her eyes

"don't think of me any different. Please. I won't be able to handle it if you all look at me like I'm a victim." I begged them

"Jay, can you tell us anything else about him, his name. how you know him etc." Emily asked me.

I walked over to a chair and sat down.

"his name is walter is shelbys step father."

"where is Shelby? You walked in and said she was here, is she in one of the interrogation rooms?" she asked me.

"no. she's right in front of you" I whispered, looking down at my daughter, trying to block out the gasps.

"wait, you're Shelby merrick?" morgan nearly shouted.

"morgan shut up! Your going to wake up sophie!" I hissed at him. He did not like that one bit.

"sorry, JJ- Shelby-"

"do not ever call me Shelby, anyone." I growled.

"JJ, what did he do to you?"

"he didn't do anything to me, well up until just over a year ago any way. But he done loads to Shelby that will take me a while to tell." I replied.

"we have a wile."

"okay." I took a deep breath and glanced at Hotch and seen him nod.

"when I-Shelby-was little, our mom and dad split and my dad left us. My mom remarried to walt and he was a great dad up until my ninth birthday. He came into my room and raped me while my mother lay listening to it all and while my little sister was sleeping in the next room. He raped me every night for the next three years until I ran away. I took to the streets, I was on everything and I got people to pay me for sex just so I could eat. My mom found me and took me back home. I stayed home for a few months, kept clean but I went back to my old ways and ended up back on the streets. I watched my mentor OD right in front of me yet it never put me off being out there. My mom contacted my biological father and he took me off the streets and took me to horizon. I was still the same. Asking people which shrooms were safe to use, having sex with the deliverey guys for cigarettes, that was until Peter caught me and he put me on shuns for three months. That was torture" I let a smile come to my lips remembering the good times from horizon.

" I eventually learned to respect my self, be less of a bitch. That was until he just happened to get ill just as I was beginning to be happy again. I snapped that night, I would have torn up the whole camp if peter hadn't stoped me. I went back home and took care of him. I found out that he had touched my sister and I couldn't handle it anymore, I was going to just kill him or kill myself but I settled on phoning the cops, it was also the first time my mother had stuck up for us. I went back to Horizon that night, got a scholarship, changed my name and here I am." I finished. I looked up at them seeing tears In their eyes. I couldn't handle seeing the pity.

"I'm going back to Horizon if you need me. I have told you everything you need to know, just promise you won't bother my sister. She doesn't deserve it."

"we promise" I heard Emily say.

I turned away and headed out of the conference room. One thing I knew was that my life would never be the same again now that they knew my secret.


	4. Chapter 4

i buckled Sophie into her carseat in the back of the SUV, they wouldn't miss one SUV for a little while, they could always come and get it if they needed it, and headed back up to horizon. i hadn't seen everyone in years, they didn't know what had happened to me, only so pie, peter and Kat knew i was there. i was dreading it as in a few days there was a big reunion planned for the cliffhangers, they would all no doubt be there and so would shelby. she had to face her fears at some point right?

i arrived at horizon and made my way back into peters office, i passed Kat on the way and asked her to come with me because i owed everyone an explanation.

i tentatively walked into peters office seeing Sophie and peter sitting on his couch. i walked in and sat opposite them on one of the chairs and took Sophie out her car seat, rocking her in my arms.

" shel, why didn't you come back before now?" peter asked me.

"i din't want you to think that i had gone back to my old ways, went back to being useless and worthless. to being broken." i replied looking at my daughters sleeping form.

"oh, shelby. we could never think that of you! you have done so much! look at you, you have a beautiful daughter, an amazing group of friends who love you no matter what and you're now part of the FBI! trust us shel, you have not done anything but make us proud of you" Sophie said coming over to the small chair and hugging me.

" you guys were the closest things to parents i ever had and i can't thank you enough for that. i wanted to make you be proud to have me as a daughter ever if i wasn't yours biologically, and when it all started again i couldn't help but feel i failed you so i didn't stay in contact because i thought i would be rejected again."i said with tears choking me up.

i looked over at peter then looked at Sophie who was now in front of me, tears streaming down her face.

"shelby, you have just done something you would never have done were you still here, we had you for nearly a year and you have never told us this much about your self. we are so proud of you, you told us how you are feeling and i can't help but be amazed at the woman you have become." Sophie told me, looking into my eyes, i couldn't see any of the disappointment or disgust that i'd feared would be there.

i looked over at kay and seen her with tears coming down her face too.

"shel, i had no idea, i'm so sorry i hated you all these years, you have done so much more than i thought you would get and i can't help but hope that you ail stay in touch with us from now ion. i mean it because if you don't i will have to seriously come and kick your little ass!" i laughed along with everyone when she said that.

"i promise i'll keep in touch and when the others come ill tell them that i'll keep in touch too. i just hope Jess will understand when she finds out, i know that she won't be coming this week, but when she is due to come, can you all phone me so i can come and see her? i really really owe her an explanation. " i begged them.

"i promise shell, everyone comes in a couple of days so you can stay here as long as you want, in the cliffhangers dorm, we made sure there was no body in there for you all coming." peter said to me.

"thanks, Peter but Sophie here, still doesn't sleep the whole night and i don't think the others will want me much less a screaming baby in there with them." i replied.

i felt Sophie start to stir in my arms and looked down at her, it was a small feed me cry, oh great, right when we were getting to some good talking. i looked up sheepishly.

" is there anywhere i can go to feed her? it's her feeding time now." i asked.

"you can just do it in here, it's fine don't worry we know how babies are shel." peter replied

i started blushing " umm, are you sure? it's the more, natural- lets put it that way- of feeding a newborn peter."

i heard Sophie and kay laugh.

" oh, uh i'll just step out and check on the ridge runners, excuse me" he mumbled. i couldn't help but laugh at his face, it really was a picture.

" i started to get myself ready and looked up at kay and Sophie, thankfully they had turned around so i could get myself fixed. i went to grab the blanket i used to cover myself, when i realised that it was in my bag that was all the way at the door.

"uh, Sophie, my bag is at the door, would you mind grabbing it? i'm a bit busy and i really need it." i asked her

she turned around and i gestured why i needed it."oh yeah, sorry. " she brought my bag over and handed me the blanket and i placed it over myself.

"okay, i'm all good" i announced.

"you should go tell peter to come in, we will be here a while." i said. Sophie just shouted for him to come in, he must have been just standing at the door.

" shel, you're a great mother, you do know that don't you?" peter said to me.

"i try my best, i had an agreement worked out with my section chief, so i've had some help that way, it took a lot to over look the fact that she is his but i just think that she is the only good thing that came from him so i can't help but thank him for that and i just hope he goes away again soon so i can get past this." i said to them all.

"peter, i got a call from everyone earlier, they had heard that the FBI was in town and wanted to know what knew, told them it concerned him, which was what they thought. they are all on their way and will be here tomorrow morning. they don't know that you're here though shelby." Kat said.

"it's okay, better sooner than leaving me to worry about the reunion." i smiled at her.

"i'm just going to go to bed, i ave a travel crib with me in the car could one of you get it for me? i'll just be in the dorm at my bed if any of you need me." i got up, still holding Sophie while she was eating and made my way over to my old room.

i sat on the edge of my bed and remembered all the good memories of being at horizon. i got a little startled when peter came in with the travel crib. he wished me good night and told me if i needed anything to go anklet him know. i finished off with Sophie, gave her a quick change and set her down to sleep, thanking her silently for going down easy so i could get a decent sleep. as soon s my head hit the pillow, i was out like a light.

….

i woke up, feeling more refreshed than what i had felt since i became pregnant, i had slept a full night, SOPHIE had slept a full night. i had been waiting for this for a few months, safe to say i was happy about it. i slowly turned over to look into the crib when i seen four figures huddled on a bed and an empty crib.

"Sophie?" i questioned

"yeah, i came to see if you needed anything and you were still out and little me was wide awake so i thought i would change and give her a small hug, i also came to tell you that everyone else was here. we had told them what was going on and at the mention of a baby they all begged to see her." she grinned at me.

thats when i realised that the two unknown figures were Julliette and Daisy. obviously Kat was there too. slowly started to get up out of bed to feed Sophie, i stretched out my arms for my daughter and she got placed into my arms. i made my way back to the bed, beginning to let Sophie have her breakfast.

"you're so good with her, who knew you were the mothering type? eh shelby?" daisy said.

i couldn't help but grin, they weren't mad.

"well, it's always been there i guess. i'm sorry, i should have kept in touch but i hope you can understand that i couldn't.i'm sorry and i promise i will keep in touch from now on." i said to them pleadingly.

"shel, we understand, we're sorry for ever doubting that you didn't care about us. you and you're daughter are beautiful and no matter what we will be there from now on. i promise you that." Juliette said to me.

"thanks, Queenie" she rolled her eyes at the nickname.

i finished feeding Sophie. and looked at them all.

"who wants to hold her while i get ready?" i asked them with a grin. their eyes lit up at the thought of holding her.

"what about princess ver there?" i asked Julliette.

she nodded her head enthusiastically. i handed her over and turned serious.

"Queenie, share and be nice!" i scolded her

"yes mom" we all couldn't help but laugh.

i grabbed my clothes and shower supplies, i was in and pout the shower and dressed within five minutes, stepping out into the dorm i seen four sets of eyes staring at me.

"what?" i asked hesitantly.

"that has to be one of the fastest showers i have ever seen" i heard from Daisy.

"yeah, well with my job and a newborn, you lear to be fast" i chuckled.

"we going to meet the guys then?" i asked with a shaky breath.

"yeah, lets go."

i had Sopihe handed back to me and i felt a hand at my back gently guiding me along.i really didn't know how they were all going to act, let alone scott...

(a\n) sorry guys, i know i said wednesday, something came up, i hope this makes up for it!


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